I think I've dealt with enough poop......

to last me a life time. Want to hear my FIVE (yup five) stories of poop that I've had to deal with in the past few weeks? If you have a queasy stomach, don't read on.

In case my girls read this when they're older, I don't want them to be embarrassed, so I will just use the letter B to represent the baby. This way, you don't know which one it is. It could be one or both of them that I'm talking about.

Story #1:

This was the first incident, which also happened to be the reason behind writing the "Chaos" post that I wrote a little while ago. So B and Hannah are taking a bath together. B poops in the tub (pretty typical thing to do as a baby). Hannah starts freaking out. I pull Hannah out first because she's freaking out that she's going to get poop on her. I turn around to get B, and I'm too late. She's stuck a piece of poop in her mouth. I grab her, rush her to the sink and start rinsing out the poop from her mouth. It's all over my hand and I'm about to barf because it stinks and it was just in my baby's mouth.

Story #2:

I'm changing B's poop diaper when Hannah slams the bedroom door on the other B, which then makes her wooden door sign fall off and land on B. B is crying, so I run over to her to make sure she's not hurt. I forgot that I had already unfastened B's diaper, so when I come back to her to finish changing her diaper, she's playing with the poop and has it smeared on her face and hands.

Story #3:

I pick up B, only to realize that she has poop squirting out of her diaper and onto the floor. Then the poop squirts out even more and smears onto my shirt.

Story #4:

I take B out of the tub to get her dressed. I leave her (naked) to get the other B out of the tub. When I come back in the room, B is under her crib. She comes out and I put a diaper on her. I smell poop, but I'm not sure where it's coming from because her diaper is clean. I just put it on, for crying out loud. I look under her crib, and there lay a nice sized turd.

Story #5:

Hannah goes poop in the toilet. I helped her wipe her buns, but both of us forgot to flush it. You can imagine where this story is going, right? So, while I'm getting B dressed, the other B is in the bathroom. I go find her, and of course she is twirling the poop around in the toilet like she's mixing some sort of turd stew.

Reading these stories actually makes me laugh now, but while I'm going through it, I am so grossed out. And I'm a little worried that my kids are going to get worms or something. Do you see why my life is chaos? Shame on me for letting this happen FIVE times.

And here's one of my favorite quotes by our dear old President Bush that goes along with this.....